My Biggest Fear

What I fear the most is losing my loved ones. Because I’m not good with sudden goodbyes.

Recently when I lost a close person I went into denial mode. I was angry throughout her funeral because it wasn’t her time to go. And yet, she was no longer with us. The regret is huge – I never asked after her enough, I should have done more, I could do nothing for her.

Even if I tried I couldn’t get myself to cry that day. Maybe coz I refused to believe in the finality of the situation. Every now and then whenever a memory sparks in mind, whenever I meet someone who is as kind to me as she was, the tears come. I can’t even grieve her properly and I hate myself for it.

I don’t ever want to lose someone like that again – unknowingly and suddenly.

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