One emotion among the many that I never truly learnt to waddle through is Disappointment.

As a child, growing up, my grades and achievements were always compared and hence I was hustling to maintain them. Thankfully, I was good at my studies and hence it was not much of an issue. But whenever I scored something less than what I used to, I was afraid to go home and tell my results.

Because I had hated that look of disappointment that came over everybody’s faces. The eyes narrow and glaze over, a thin line appears over the forehead and the mouth is pursed. That look may last for few seconds but that was enough to slice a cut in my feelings.

Through my teens, adults in my life often openly expressed disappointment over my looks, my choices and my likes. It was as if I could never do anything right. Whenever I did something I loved, I was titled a disappointment.

To this day, I do not know how to deal with disappointment. Be it when others are disappointed by me or when things don’t work out for me. I can’t handle it. I lash out at whoever is available and obviously that does nothing to calm me. I hate how disappointment cripples me. I am not an optimistic person but I do get excited about the prospect of something. And when that doesn’t work out, disappointment is inevitable.

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