Day 25 Topic 25: No Middle Ground

It’s either everything at once or nothing at all! 

My graph just starts great and then bang! drops without any prior warning. And when it drops, it drops so low that I can’t pick myself up again. 

It’s either a swarm of people around me all trying to talk together at the same time or it’s no one at all nearby when I need to reach out. 

It’s either a weekend chalked full of plans or a weekend at home tucked under the blanket. 

And it’s in these moments when I’m truly alone that I want someone, anyone, to reach out to me and tell me that I matter. That they want me to crawl out from under that blanket and talk to them. That they want  to actually sit next to me and spend some time with me. 

Bcoz when I’m  are a part of the crowd, I  feel like my presence or absence here wouldn’t have made much of a difference to anyone there anyway. The party never stops. So if I withdraw myself away I wouldn’t be missed. Nobody is actually going to come looking for me. 

And I’ll just be waiting for I don’t know what.

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All Alone ??

I had this really strange dream last night. In my dream I was helping one of my friends shift her home and then all of a sudden my friend turns to me and says that she is leaving the company too! ( We call it a LDAP here – Last Day At Persistent).

When I woke up I realised I had cried into my pillow.

Then I berated myself that it was just a stupid dream , nothing real. But when I thought about it the whole day I realised that it is going to happen some day isn’t it? Our paths are going to separate. We may stay in touch but we no longer will be a part of each others routine life.

When I was a kid I always wanted my entire family and cousins to always stay together like we did in the summer vacations. But then I grew up to watch my cousins and friends moving away for thier careers and families.

So whenever anyone says to me that they are going I m not surprised anymore. I understand that this is the norm of life. This is how it should be.

But even after knowing all this a part of me still yearns for the day when somebody will come up to me and say, ” I’m here to stay besides you”

But I wonder if that will ever happen .. Or will I b left all alone…

The Flashbacks That Follow

I am always the one who is left behind to say good bye to everyone.

People come in my life and touch my heart, spend so much time with me and give me so much to remember and then one fine day they tell me that they are leaving. I am not the one who will beg people to stay just because I need their company. I understand that I can’t ask anyone to stagnate their lives coz of me. Everybody should move on and live their lives.

But what really gets to me is that all are so willing and so happy to move on with their lives without me. Nobody wants me to be a part of their future. I am left all by myself while my friends and family set out to achieve what they want.

And that makes me wonder, will anyone ever come into my life who will say that they are here to be besides me and never leave? Will anyone want to make me a part of their lives for keeps? I hate being left alone. It makes me feel like an insignificant dust particle.