Celebrating a Lockdown Birthday

Let me start by appreciating those who have successfully managed to celebrate during the Lockdown. It is soo hard to keep everything a surprise esp when you live with the person 24/7.

My husband’s birthday was on 9th July and I would otherwise have done the routine of taking him to a new place, good food and long drives in the rain.

But…with the current situation, I had to do something that was not only on a tight budget but make it special too.

At midnight, I did a small little centerpiece with water beads and a candle.

I had to make do with whatever supplies I had at home. It turned out beautiful though 😊

My husband is a huge fan of Pokemon Go, so I made a Pikachu card for him.

All those who know me, know the fact that I’m lousy in the kitchen. Despite that I attempted to bake a Chocolate Oreo Cake

Pardon the cream

and I made Garlic Mushrooms for lunch.

Of course, Aai took care of the other main dishes. We had a small family cake cutting, just amongst us.

Getting him a gift was the most difficult part. I had thought about sports shoes or Boat ear phones for him but before we could move to July, he had ordered both these himself.

I did not want to risk going to shops either and anyways my husband only would have had to take me there. So it would not be a surprise.

I finally settled on Gift cards.

That’s a Myntra gift card, HotStar and Amazon Prime memberships!!😁

I had also ordered some Beardo products online.

These smell so good, I could use it myself. 😝

Even though it was a celebration at home, it went well. I’m just so happy I managed to pull this off without any glitches.

My Biggest Fear

What I fear the most is losing my loved ones. Because I’m not good with sudden goodbyes.

Recently when I lost a close person I went into denial mode. I was angry throughout her funeral because it wasn’t her time to go. And yet, she was no longer with us. The regret is huge – I never asked after her enough, I should have done more, I could do nothing for her.

Even if I tried I couldn’t get myself to cry that day. Maybe coz I refused to believe in the finality of the situation. Every now and then whenever a memory sparks in mind, whenever I meet someone who is as kind to me as she was, the tears come. I can’t even grieve her properly and I hate myself for it.

I don’t ever want to lose someone like that again – unknowingly and suddenly.

Calm Babble

At the beginning of this year I din imagine that by the end of it I would be married.

Everything happened to me in a flash. Before I could wrap my head around what hit me, I was already floating past an engagement, rituals, relatives, the wedding flurry. I didn’t get time to process things.

I haven’t let myself feel anything by scanning just the tip of the iceberg. Underneath is a glacier I don’t want getting to me.

I feel tension, i feel an anger. I don’t have a commitment phobia. I am a loyal person but I fear that I may not be able to keep up with the change.

And this is a huge change. A change that I was looking for. I wanted everything to change. I am getting that. But this is slighter bigger than I can handle. Because it involves a lot of people. It’s not just something that happening only to me.

It might not be that hard. It might not be easy either. It’s just something I’ll have to figure out for myself.