Day 25 Topic 25: No Middle Ground

It’s either everything at once or nothing at all! 

My graph just starts great and then bang! drops without any prior warning. And when it drops, it drops so low that I can’t pick myself up again. 

It’s either a swarm of people around me all trying to talk together at the same time or it’s no one at all nearby when I need to reach out. 

It’s either a weekend chalked full of plans or a weekend at home tucked under the blanket. 

And it’s in these moments when I’m truly alone that I want someone, anyone, to reach out to me and tell me that I matter. That they want me to crawl out from under that blanket and talk to them. That they want  to actually sit next to me and spend some time with me. 

Bcoz when I’m  are a part of the crowd, I  feel like my presence or absence here wouldn’t have made much of a difference to anyone there anyway. The party never stops. So if I withdraw myself away I wouldn’t be missed. Nobody is actually going to come looking for me. 

And I’ll just be waiting for I don’t know what.

When ur plans go for a toss

I have noticed this when ever I draw up a plan and say today I’m going to begin  doing this, that day itself something happens and I’m not able to start. 
And never ever decide that starting from first day of a month, I’ll begin something. That’s like the default ashub mhurat. 
I’m the kind of girl who needs a time table set up for the day. And whenever any part of the schedule gets messed up, my whole mood turns irritable. And then even if there’s a chance of fixing the schedule I get moody and grumpy and go, ehh lets forget it now.
I get de moralized very easily and then to pick that confidence and interest once again  I require severe motivation. 
Infact, I think some of the best decisions that I have taken have been impromptu ones.  Not the ones I spent days n months over thinking on. 
So whatever track I am on right now, maybe its the best fr me right now. Maybe I’m the one panicking and rushing. Maybe I should slow down n see where the flow takes me.

An Unplanned Journey

“What is it that you plan to do with your one precious life?”

I stumbled upon this question while I was going through a website.

All around me are people who are sure about what they want to achieve in life. All set and focused towards achieving their goals. And along with them there’s me – who’s just got up from bed reluctantly & dragging her feet along with the day because frankly I just want today to end.

I do not know how I want the bigger picture of my life to look like – I don’t know which job I really wanna do, which city I really want to be in – I really don’t know how I want to settle down in life.

But what I would really really like to do in life is to
wake up each morning without regrets, see new places, taste great food, keep my parents happy, catch up with friends & chat for hours, fall in love & be loved in return, do a job that I love & love the job that I do, fall asleep feeling satisfied & just smile uninhibited.

If I could just have these moments in my life then I am done designing the master plan of my life.