Soul Searching

If only, it was as easy as to Eat. Pray. Love. and identify your purpose in life. Or the way it is described in movies and books – take your troubled mind on a trip to the snow capped mountains and you are back as a transformed person. Or just go road tripping across the country with a complete bunch of strangers and suddenly you grow strong and independent.

Vacations and trips don’t work on me. I thought maybe, something as heavy as the loss of a close family member or a huge heartbreak would have some impact on me and steer me.

Nope! Nothing works!

Nothing from fun sleepovers to disappointed looks seem to manage to awaken something in me. I am still questioning my existence on this Earth. I wake up, work, eat, speak to people, participate in the big and small moments of everyone’s life and yet when I go to sleep, I still feel the emptiness of my life ache inside me.

I don’t know when I will stop feeling this way. When I will stop thinking this way.

I don’t even know what is it that I’m searching for. What is it that my soul needs?