Self-Care isn’t easy!!

For the last two years, I have been trying consciously to focus on self-care as a priority.

But there are certain factors that make this process hard at times.

  • It is difficult to practise. For instance: limiting my social media time. It was easy to draw a schedule for no screen time but when it comes to actually following it – there’s that temptation, a need for distraction or just the fact that I’m not able to go to sleep that draws me back online.
  • Lack of instant measurable results. I’m used to tracking my progress on things. Hence, when I’m trying to work on my insecurities, and there are no visible results to look at, how do I know if there is progress?
  • Reactions of others. Now, I know, how people react is not in our hands. But I get beleaguered by opinions irrespective of whether I have asked for them or not. And many times, these reactions are along the lines of “This isn’t a great achievement” “Stop being so loud” “I have bigger-and-better news” and then I’m at a loss about how to handle my emotions in real time.

If only self-care was as easy as putting on a face mask. But it isn’t! It is going to be a life-long process bcoz there is always going to be room for growth. And if you come across any self-help book that claims that you’ll be Zen in 30 days or after following 7 steps, they are probably not going to be of much help.

Why Try ?

After a particular low day in office, when my colleagues elicit knowledge from me and present it as their ideas and get lauded for it; I think to myself: Why try so hard to be efficient at work?

After I stress and burn out myself to make sure everything is hospitable, when relatives turn up and sneer at my household skills; I think to myself: Why put so much efforts only to have them call it all “basic”

After the umpteenth time, when someone misunderstands what I speak and mistakes my intentions; I think to myself: Why do I try to be good, offer my help, if they are always going to assume that I am of no use.

Most days when I wake up, I ask myself: Why Try ?

Giving Change A Chance

3 weeks ago I would have never believed that I would be actually relocating to a new city. Even though it’s for a temporary period, it’s a first for me. I have never stepped a day away from my family & friends and then suddenly I am faced with the opportunity of moving to a metro city.

A myriad number of emotions ran through me when I first heard about my deputation.

Confused. What should I be feeling at this point? Happy – that I got a project opportunity? Anxious – bcoz it’s in Pune? Lonely – bcoz I’ll be away from family & friends? Determined – that I should show that I can survive in a new city? or Sarcastic – let’s move away from all & see if they miss me?

Then I finally thought – what the hell, lets just trust & let go.

And so, here I find myself today moving around in buses & cabs & autorickshaws when all I did at home was sing loudly with the wind behind the bike while Dad crazily accelerated the speed.

Getting up with the alarm clock instead of just snoozing it out and enjoying that “just some more sleep” before my cats came & pawed at me & told me it was time to wake up & have breakfast.

Eating breakfast at guest house terrace where all I did earlier was snuggle in a warm corner of my kitchen while mom brought me tea.

I miss sharing my breakfast with my cats. I just can’t eat these aloo paranthas full even though they are tasty.

I miss those bus rides to office where we all started our day teasing & irritating each other.

This new office may be much bigger & “good looking” but it doesn’t match the comfortable & friendly feeling of my old office.

Hours spent laughing & talking on “our couch” have been replaced with just being glued to the desktop screen.

All familiar and friendly faces and smiles in the cafeteria have been swapped with a bunch of strangers each day.

No more waiting at the bus stop to chat with friends. No more reaching home swiftly. Here, the traffic gets to decide your plans for u.

No more going back home & blabbing about the day to mom & sister, no more bugging younger brother. Just a phone call saying, yes I have reached home safely.

No more lazing around while mom fixes dinner. Now I have to go out & fetch the dinner myself.

No more hugging my teddy and mummy and sleeping. I have learnt to let go of this fear.

A lot of things are changing and I miss my family and my friends a lott but they say u aren’t growing if u aren’t changing. So, lets give this change a chance. Fingers crossed.